reminiscing......

there is a time when ur mind suddenly keep on playing ur past...it just make u miss something that used to make u laugh..something that used to make u sad, somebody that u always eager to be with..someone that u share ur dream..make u feel how lost are u..how u feel so left alone..where i'm rite now if i just follow my dream then..how worst it will be if i just embrace it..

thus then will just make u think deeply 'am i doing the right thing to let it go' 'am i happy with what i got rite now' we'll never knew it till the day when u on ur own realize n believe that ur choice are good or vice versa..

it was hard to forget,u spend just so long to make ur dream come true..all the up n down,all the laughter and the pain..it seem so right on the surface but the bitter part is so damn hard to swallow..to go back then u know it will make u suffer...to fight for the future u really need a mountains of courage to do so..it no matter how hard u try to forget bout it,it do haunting u time after time..

cuz it just part of ur memory..ur history..ur xperience..we never learn if we just want to taste the sweetness of life..the bitter u need to taste,tougher u'll be..

just let our mind reminisce...just let the tears drop if it will make u release..let it flow for it will make ur tomorrow bright..life need to go on but history is important..if there is no yesterday,u'll never make it today and u can't decide for tomorrow..

it just so sad if we know it will be much better if u just let it go..but u know the best for u..and if ur decesion is wrong..just remember life is about taking chances..faith gambling..n we know if there is no pain then there is no gain....

so cry ur heart out....let the pain out...cause nobody will care 'bout u untill u care 'bout urself...
live the life...swallow the pain...cherish every moment that ur in..life if so short for us..so grab anything that u mite get..cause at the end of the day i'll help to colour ur life journey....

cikyat.1.30pm.110110.mon.

i want my way out.....

feel so falling apart today...dunno why...dunno how...something going to happen mite b..dunno what i'm afraid of..feel so sad without any reason..try to figure it out..it just something that can't be described..

feel so damn uneasy..mite be because i'm laughing damn too much yesterday...it just a time for me today to pay for it...just need my time here...i'm just stuck with this feeling..

hye!

it's been a long time i'm not updating my blog..lack of time maybe...lately the works getting heavier than before..just lost my assistant..he flew for a new better job..rite now need to do all those thing on my own...it's just lots and lots...hope for a new assistant soon or they'll need someone to fill in my chair too...hehehhe...just kiddin'..times goes by..now we r almost at the end of year 2009..and to all muslim this coming friday will be our new year base on islamic calendar..



wish all of us to get a new strength,better prosperity,being a better muslim,better life,better determination n may our dream or hope will come true..



as for me 2009 just give me lots n lots of memories..sad,happiness,bitter,sweets,numb,everything. i had learn so many thing thruout this years..sometimes we just can plan but doesn't mean we will get what we want..pretty hard for me actually..but for any reason i just need to swallow it..we just don't know what Allah plan for us..it mite be not our time to get it. there is a reward for us if we keep thinking positively..it's hard..i know that.just breaking us down but just trust in faith thing happens for a reason..whatever it is what we will get after that will make us realize that is not a waste if we just w8 n lay back..just let Allah play the role..



for me there is no use for you to keep on torturing urself for not achieve this,that anything that u've been plan..as long as u put all effort to achieve it just reward urself for some relaxing..the good thing will come to you by itself..live ur life to the fullest...



as for me..there is thing that i wish i could had,but sadly it never happen..mite not be happen at all i guess...there is a thing that i never dream of but i finally got it..n there is a couple of things that i dream of and i get..but i'm not really hoping for that..i don't want any pressure regarding my achievement..i'm the flow follower hehehhe..and of course there is a new thing come into my life and there is a thing that i've been hold on to for so,so long..need to let it go..it just a big knock out.totally change my mind,life,way i'm thinking about life,way i'm making a dcsion and the way i look upon my life..it just a major transformation..n as for now,i just can't see it whether it was good or not..too early for me to determine..



so i'll wait for it..w8n for the result of mt decsion..i dunno if i win or lost..but hey! life is about gambling rite..today u r up,and the next day u mite b at the bottom..today tears will lead to tomorrow happiness. imean who knows rite.. i'll just leave it there..come what may, i'll do what ican n what i need to do..



i'm not good in planning..not that organise..so i just do what i do best..just go with the flow..





so welcome new year..welcome future..



i'll stay today to continue yesterday and to create tomorrow...





12.09 am.wednesday.16Dec09

commitment

commitment....
what mo' can i say..it need u to be mature to endure it..flexibility maybe..sharing..there is a time when u feel that u r ready to give the best of you for ur commitment..but it does not matter if ur partner not really in to it..when it comes to the time ur partner begin to feel the same,u had throw that thing far away from ur mind...a long,long time ago...rite when u feel that ur dream was only ur dream.not a dream for both of u..

sometimes we do feel that to be alone was the best choice u had..to do everything that u want,to put urself first..to forget all the headache cause by ur relationship..above of all to love others just rite after u able to love urself..but to learn how to love urself is so damn hard (for me..)

but, in considering ur future....deep in ur heart u still want someone to take care of you..someone who u can spent the rest of ur life with... it's just a matter of time,will n courage...till the day is come,we just need to w8 patiently,it's worth a try,but after all that u've done,hold urself back for a while,just hope.pray.w8...........

is it going to last?

how many of u was in a long relationship with ur partner,say for about more than 5 years n it last with both of u get married ? n how many of u that in a long term relationship but at last it does'nt turn out the way that u hope it will be or in more simple word both of u are SPLIT. both go on with life in separated ways..after all the stuff that u've been share together,up n down,tears n joy..

is it waste?ur time,ur love,ur tears,ur effort,ur hope that u give for the sake of ur relationship.....or maybe we can take it as a lesson..to feel hurt..it was just rite cuz u give all u got for it.u have rite to be sad cuz of it..but for the sake of ur future,,u better luv urself first,for that u will love others..to be confident,to feel safe after it,i do belive that was damn hard,,but hey!there is no waste for trying..there is a lot u can do,there is lot u need to care,,n for sure it is just a matter of what Allah,ur god plan for u..it was the best that u can have..that mite be a perfect life after that..nobody knows. life is a journey..full of challange n full of lesson.

i'm not saying for others,but i'm saying this for myself too. i do feel sad if i need to face this..i'll do suffer the major mental breakdown if i need to accept this kind of fact..it just a reaction that ur heart,ur mind n ur body give n respond towards everything that u able to feel with ur heart..

everything that happen is come for a reason.everything that take u backward mite be something that help u to recall thing that u lost......

belive in urself there is something good waiting for u there..............

i'm moving..............

Goodbye my present job.

good bye friends

goodbye boss

i'm just try find my way to what i need.

thanx for all the fun,

the probs (hehehehe...)

the lesson,

knowledge,

everything,wish ya'll the most success in future undertaking.

......

it's been a long time since my last post..got a pretty hectic life..personal,work,attitude..bla..bla..

what a gr8 day today but what a feeling...depressed i guees..fed up..w8n for too long can make u bored can make u give up..i guess..but it works towards me though...

*sigh*

sometimes just keep wondering what the hell that i'm w8n for..hate with my attitude,just need a slap for me to wake up..

gr8 day + bad feeling = depressed

gr8 day + good feeling = heaven

someone..i just feel there is a big hole in my life..but unfortunately i dunno what was that.

do u ever wondering to blow ur routine away,so far away..so that u can replace it with the stuff that u wish u could to do..the thing that u enjoy the most,the thing that able to keep u smiling throughout the day..

luv wat u do,then u will luv ur life.

learn to xcept for that u'll get the good..

learn to reject if it only will make u feeling gr8..

learn to break the rule for that will keep u away from dull..

learn everything,change everything..u dare to dream but have u ever wondering to make it come true...

take a lesson for that it will make u a better person..

i'm advicing myself actually..

22 March 2009.12.25 noon.malaysia